Relationships, good and bad

Some musings from my run this morning, in no particular order so forgive me if it’s a bit rambly.

All of my running life I have had a long standing on/off relationship with an acquaintance I wish I’d never met, she is called self-doubt and regularly raises her ugly head in an effort to scupper my endeavours.  Sometimes she wins, and when this happens, plans go awry and good intentions falter and I get fed up and occasionally get as low as wanting to give up running altogether and just get fat and miserable. I loathe self-pity I don’t believe there is a place for it in our lives and most of the time I can get over the blip and put her back in the dark recesses.  The last 3 weeks I’ve had a new companion her name is consistency and I am delighted to have her in my life, it’s early days and I’m working hard at it but I think that this will be a positive relationship which we will all benefit from.  However... self doubt is a jealous bitch so she decided this week that she was going to have a go at me and see if she could push the ‘new girl’ into the background- think playground fall outs when a new kid comes to school... she rode back into my head carrying a banner with three words on it, Flat, Road, Test!  She nearly won! I was ill thinking about it at the beginning of the week and this contributed to an almost sleepless night but my new friend consistency stayed by my side and helped me pull up my ‘big girl pants’ flick her the bird and do the workouts on my program.  Self doubt hovered on the sidelines, close enough to feel her presence but the positivity from my new companion was keeping her at bay and I even contemplated entering a race to do the workout but I couldn’t find one close by, at one point I thought self doubt was going to win again, John offered to run with me to help me, but I couldn’t put him through that stress, he has enough to do getting himself fit and ready for his next big adventure.  This morning I sat for a long time watching and listening to the rain and feeling that presence on my shoulder and it was a struggle not to let her win.  She was trying to convince me that as I couldn’t do it I shouldn’t bother going out at all I should just stay in the warm and dry.  At the same Time I was chatting online with a friend who is struggling in a different way but there were analogies which struck me so I went out and I ran.  I ran the prescribed mileage, I didn’t run on the road, I ran on a familiar trail, it wasn’t flat but it was flat enough to be runnable and I ran without
walking further than I have for at least a year! This Is a big win for me.  The analogies from my chat with my friend?  In education circles there is a lot of talk about readiness for learning and about how instead of forcing children to fit into an environment or fit a particular model, we should perhaps alter the environment/change the model to suit the learning styles of children, particularly very young children.  I strongly agree with this and as a teacher would do my best to adapt teaching styles etc to suit the needs of the child - and believe me I’ve had my fair share of pupils where a lot of adaptation was required.  Today, with apologies to my coach, I adapted to suit my needs, I altered the environment and I had a successful run.  I finished it feeling, happy with consistency by my side and self doubt well and truly put back in the corner.  Tomorrow is another day, but every day we can keep self doubt at bay is a win and I will gladly take it!  Work at the good relationships, nurture them and everyone learns and grows, stifle the bad relationships and keep them in the past.  (Big hugs to a brave wee soldier called Archie who is fighting his own battles just now but with help from the people he has good relationships with he will win of that I am sure).

Chamonix - good for the soul!

It's been a few months since I've updated my blog, and seeing friends' photos from Chamonix this past week has prompted me to write a wee bit about our last trip out there.  As we prepare for the next one...

Last year, John and I headed out a few days before UTMB week and we spent 3 days fastpacking on the first section of the UTMB route.  We left our suitcases for the following week with the lovely Bob and Gail Allison and after lunch/beer with them, Karen and George, we headed off on the bus to Courmayeur and our first overnight stop.  Early start, hills aplenty and views to die for, another fab overnight stop in Arnouva and repeat.  By the end of the third day in Champex Lac I knew I couldn't manage a 4th as I was very tired (annoyingly so - but the reason became clear when I got home!) We got the train from Martigny to Chamonix and what a fabulous journey that was!  Way up high then down through awesome gorges and forests etc.  We picked our cases up and checked into our apartment soon to be followed by Amanda and Julie.  A fabulous race week ensued.  Amanda successfully conquered CCC and Julie conquered all sorts of fears to hike up to Le Lac Blanc amongs other places!

So to this summer... John was successful in getting a place in TDS so we decided that we would head out and do another bit of the TMB route to give him some climbing/hiking practice and us both a well earned break.  By the time we left I had also got a race place in the new 'baby' race, the MCC so this gave me a good feel for my race route too.  Again we had lots of climbing, amazing views and spectacular weather, we discovered that it was Marathon de Mont Blanc and it's associated races that week, so John did the VK and I did a 10km race.  Our friend Gayle was doing the 90km and we managed to get out and about and see her on the route!
It's only 4.5weeks til we go back again and we can't wait!  When my lottery ticket comes in I think I will be looking for a wee apartment/retiral home out there...

Am I going to Die? (no not yet)

Imagine the scenario it's the middle of the night, you're so far North it never actually got dark last night and you have a wee fire burning to welcome runners as they run down the hill towards you. A car stops, a runner has DNF'd at the previous CP and his wife has picked him up and driving him back to their hotel. They wind the window down and I lean in to speak to them, "there's a runner about a mile up the road, she's being sick lots and says she's vomiting blood" - ok thanks - (heart sinks slightly as yes you have your outdoor first aid certificate but I don't think it covered vomiting blood other than that's pretty darn serious - and remember we're in the middle of nowhere)

About 10 minutes later the runner appears, head torch bobbing as she runs down to the CP, slowing to a walk as I go out to meet her... "you okay?" There's a genuine petted lip trembling slightly as she shakes her head "no" was the pitiful response... "I keep being sick and it's horrible, there's loads of bits of blaeberries and then it's like dark blood" - blaeberries?  I ask her to confirm that's what she said, "yeah" - it was hard not to laugh out loud and I tried not to sound too incredulous as I said "ok let's get you over here and you can sit down and we can check you over."
Seated in the camping chair she's lucid, bright eyed and really happy to see us, telling us how pleased she is to see us "I love you guys!" then in the next breath she asks "am I going to die?"  We did laugh out loud at that point!
John asks her lots of questions, all of which elicit a rapid fire response, I have seen this particular lady in a far less lucid state on a couple of occasions and in my opinion, she's in pretty good shape.  She wasn't the first runner to arrive with us 60 miles in to a really tough race who had been sick - it sort of goes with the territory, you're pretty wiped, you've not got much left in reserve and your body is too tired to process what you do put in so tends to eject it fairly rapidly after it's been eaten/drunk.  Anyway back to said runner we were tending to, after we agreed she was in pretty good nick and she'd drunk a can of pink fizzy lucozade and eaten a banana and we had managed to reassure her that she wasn't going to die, at least not at this point in time, her friends appeared in their van and one of them agreed to run to the finish with her.  This lifted her spirits, she announced she would "just have a quick pee behind the van then we'll get away" and off they went heading into the darkness.
Jeni is an amazing lady, a damn good runner who has struggled in the past with nutrition but is working on strategies - just not blaeberries!! - or if you must, then remember they look like blood on the way back up :D
Thank you for giving us the best laugh of the night Jeni after giving us probably the only wee fright that we might have a medical issue that couldn't be cured by a wee bit of tough love and a mtfu pill - believe in yourself, we all believe in you and you were AWSUM!
(photos with kind permission of and credit to Jeni Rees-Jenkins)

She did It!

Un Aventure Tres Grand!

A few months ago - October 2017 to be precise, John and I set off on the biggest adventure of our lives... I have been waiting for him to finish his write up before I wrote anything at all about it from my side.  Here is his version of the race of his/our lifetime and now that it's done, I will maybe try to put some of my version together.  Enjoy!!